something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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