She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
