Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
