Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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