You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
