I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
