I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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