I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
