I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
