ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
