So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
