It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
