Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
