he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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