I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
