you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Randomize
