New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
