I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
