I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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