my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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