You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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