You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
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We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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