my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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