five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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