Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
