I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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