Ambien. No doubt about it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
