omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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