she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
