Soap is not a condiment
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
