I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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