She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
