this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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