i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
