I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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