FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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