Cold hands, warm shart.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
