I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
