i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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