i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
