i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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