Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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