Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
