Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
