i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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