She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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