I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
