So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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