he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She even gives head with a lisp.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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