I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
