the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
