so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
