wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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