at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
