yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
