Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
