My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize