you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
