can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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