The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
