i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
