obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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