im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
