I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
