If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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