In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
