everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize