is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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