New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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