If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
