i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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