I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
