just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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