Duck Duck Cougar?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
