the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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