I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
