Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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