Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
