i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
