I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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