we're chasing vodka with high fives
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
