i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize