dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
