if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize