I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
