i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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