Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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